作者 goes 2007.04.15
亲爱的 :
今天是耶稣受难日,决定好好来写点东西。
我总是难以承受与面对苦难(谁能大言不惭说能?)。
那天,她轻描淡写地告诉我她的故事。(你知道的, 凡是可以让我们越轻描淡写的事情,往往是在当初 最不容易过去的。)
她们是研究所同学,曾经一起奋斗论文,在异乡学 习彼此照顾。她们感情很好、情如姐妹。
她的名字叫娟。
娟在国小实习的时候有忧郁症,那时也是她刚认识 耶稣时。过了一阵子,娟发现自己有癌症,却和在 教会认识的男朋友,在发现癌症后,决定站在上帝 面前说「我愿意」,进入婚姻。后来,神迹并没有 出现,娟过世了。
她跟我聊,聊说教会的姐姐多么照顾娟。我点着头 ,我知道拥有上帝的人可以给予到什么程度,我知 道,我也体验过。
她跟我聊,聊说她不懂得死亡这件事情,但是因为 娟,她想了很多事情,体会很多,觉得生命太短暂 ,所以一定要做些事情,有些梦想,要去行动。
我也点点头。我知道,在我高一那一年,我第一次 经历到亲密的人的死亡,我就知道并且从此奋不顾 身的往前走去。
并且,我开始向往永恒。
我不知道她有没有问过上帝这件事情:「为什么? 为什么是娟?她还这么年轻这么多事情还没有经历 ?你怎么可以?你存在吗?如果你在,你怎么可以 允许这样的事情发生?」
我问了,在我高一那一年我问了。而这些疑问后来 让我转向上帝,却是我当初始料不及的。(那种感 觉就像是你很抗拒喜欢上某人,后来却发现自己爱 他爱得死去活来。)
这两年,外公外婆相继过世。我慢慢觉得死亡不是 一件难问的事情,毕竟我已经慢慢窥得识得永恒, 难的,一直都是我们这些活着的人。离开的人,就 离开了,这些留下来的,才是最难的。
每每听到这样的故事,我总是会想起纳里亚的这一 段:
亚斯蓝的眼泪:
现在狄里哥站在狮王亚斯蓝面前,他把女巫带进了纳尼亚,让邪恶入侵了这个世界,狮王必须让他自己承担之前造成的错误,做出弥补。
狄里哥的心情很复杂,他对自己所造成的伤害感到愧疚,在狮王的公义面前感觉敬畏,想到自己深爱、病重着的母亲,如今只剩下这个刚刚诞生的纳尼亚里,可能有大人所讲的青春国度(the land of youth)里的果子,是能让母亲复原的最后希望,狄里哥又好着急……
"Son of Adam," said Aslan. "Are you ready to undo the wrong that you have done to my sweet country of Narnia on the very day of its birth?"
"Well, I don't see what I can do," said Digory. "You see, the Queen ran away and -"
"I asked, are you ready?" said the Lion.
「亚当的儿子,」亚斯蓝说,「你已经准备好要去弥补,你在我这美好纳尼亚王国诞生之日对他造成的伤害了吗?」 「呃,我不晓得我能做什么,」狄里哥说,「你也知道,女王已经跑走了,而且――」
「我问的是,你准备好了吗?」狮子说。
"Yes," said Digory. He had had for a second some wild idea of saying "I'll try to help you if you'll promise to help my Mother," but he realized in time that the Lion was not at all the sort of person one could try to make bargains with.
「是的。」狄里哥说。他在那一瞬间脑中闪现出一个疯狂的念头,而他差点开口说:「你要是答应救我母亲,我就会想办法帮你。」幸好他即时醒悟,他知道狮子并不是那种可以谈条件的人。
But when he had said "Yes," he thought of his Mother, and he thought of the great hopes he had had, and how they were all dying away, and a lump came in his throat and tears in his eyes, and he blurted out:
"But please, please - won't you - can't you give me something that will cure Mother?" Up till then he had been looking at the Lion's great feet and the huge claws on them; now, in his despair, he looked up at its face. What he saw surprised him as much as anything in his whole life. For the tawny face was bent down near his own and (wonder of wonders) great shining tears stood in the Lion's eyes. They were such big, bright tears compared with Digory's own that for a moment he felt as if the Lion must really be sorrier about his Mother than he was himself.
但就在他说出「是的」时,他心里不禁想到了他的母亲,同时也想到,他曾经怀抱的美好希望,此刻以完全化成泡影,因此他忍不住喉头一哽,眼泛泪光,不假思索地冲口而出:
「可是拜托,求求你 — 你能不能 — 你可不可以给我一些能治好我母亲的东西?」在这之前,他一直低头望着狮子的大脚与巨爪,但现在他在绝望中抬起头来,凝视他的面孔。他看到了这辈子最令他震惊的一幅画面。那张黄褐色的师脸俯下来贴在他面前,而(不可思议地)狮子的眼中盈满了巨大闪亮的眼泪。跟狄哥里自己的眼泪比起来,它们是显得如此巨大晶亮,因此在那一刹那,他不禁感到,狮子为他母亲所感到的伤心难过,甚至比他自己还要更深几分。…………
纳里亚文章出处:
http://life.fhl.net/phpBB21/viewtopic.php?p=50489